Sarah Allen Benton is author of the book, 'Understanding the High Functioning Alcoholic' , and is a Licensed Mental Health Counselor (LMHC) and therapist at McLean Hospital in MA.
She has been featured in a NY Times article by Jane Brody, has appeared on The Oprah Winfrey Show, CBS Early Show, NPR, is a blogger for PsychologyToday.com and more.
Sarah is a recovering alcoholic and has been sober since February of 2004. She gives lectures and trainings on the topic of high-functioning alcoholics at colleges, boarding schools, and at professional conferences including Harvard’s Treating the Addictions.
Please visit her website The High Functioning Alcoholic for more information about Sarah, her book and additional resources.
In this episode Sarah tells a bit of her own story of alcoholism and recovery, and answers questions about High Functioning Alcoholism, including how to define it, what common personality traits and drinking patters are found with high functioning alcoholics, and steps people who fit this description can find ways to get help.
A very informative episode, and we thank Sarah for her time, and for being such a valuable resource in helping educate us all about this aspect of what is a confounding disease for so many.
Listen to this episode here (or click on the picture in our sidebar to subscribe to our iTunes Podcast):
One major issue that keeps people stuck in the cycle of alcoholism, even when they know they have a problem, or a niggling doubt that their drinking is getting worse, is SHAME.
On this episode we heard from six women who are brand new to sobriety, have had more than one Day One recently, but who are still out there swinging, talking to people, becoming part of community, and telling their story - bravely - to offer hope to others and to help heal themselves.
The antidote to shame is truth.
Through the power of story we share our truths; we're not trying to give answers, or how-to's. They are sharing their stories to demonstrate that the only thing anyone can do wrong is not try at all, not reach out for help, not love yourself enough to face their drinking head-on.
What we hear in their stories is the commonalities we face - some of the things we do when we're still drinking, the ways we try desperately to hide it from loved ones, from ourselves, and then the freedom and community we feel when we finally tell our stories, talk about our feelings and find people who understand.
It doesn't matter what stage you're at with your own drinking. If you're still drinking, wondering about your drinking, newly sober or been sober awhile; we ALL have something to contribute through the power of our truths.
A common theme we heard was that when we finally told our truth, whether it was to an online community, a real-life community, a friend or family member (or even a doctor), we felt a weight lift off our shoulders. That is the weight of shame and secrecy.
The old adage is true, that the truth will set you free. Our mission at The Bubble Hour is to provide stories to help people know they aren't alone; that there IS hope, and if you join a recovery community - either online or offline (or both .. see tab above for resources) you will feel a PART OF, instead of stuck and alone.
In this episode, women talk about how the stigma of alcoholism impacted their ability to reach out for help and get sober.
We all know what the stigma is: the homeless man in a door stoop with a bottle in a paper bag, or the woman who can't hold down a job or take care of her children are just a few examples of what we picture in our head when we hear the word "alcoholic".
The reality is that the stigma is one of the biggest roadblocks to getting sober (denial being the other one). Approximately one in ten people in the USA suffer from the disease of addiction, and many (if not most) are high functioning: holding down jobs, raising children, being productive members of society.
Eight women share their stories of how the stigma - the destructive label given alcoholics - effected their drinking and also their recovery.
From their stories, we learn that there is a stigma that children of alcoholics can have, who tragically witnessed the worst this disease has to offer as they were growing up. They talk about how in their mind that became what an alcoholic looked like: a parent who abandoned their kid, ended up in jail, passed out on the floor every night. As long as they "weren't THAT bad" they couldn't be an alcoholic in their own mind.
They talk about the stigma that comes from the outside world; the misconception that alcoholism is a matter of willpower, and therefore admitting you're an alcoholic is to admit you're weak or morally corrupt. The fact that society is only beginning to understand that alcoholism is a chronic, progressive disease that left untreated is almost always fatal - just like diabetes or cancer, but because the symptoms of alcoholism are behavioral, the stigma persists that stopping drinking is a matter of willpower alone.
They talk about how they had great jobs, are loving mothers, are financially stable, didn't drink for months when pregnant, are active in their communities, and therefore can't be an alcoholic in their own mind, even as the niggling fear that they respond differently to alcohol than "normal" people grew in their mind.
All of these brave women have one thing in common; they found the courage to reach out for help, or agreed to help when pressed by loved ones. They didn't let the stigma stop them from getting sober. They are finding their way through the stigma in recovery; some by being open and honest with everyone, some by selectively telling only trusted friends and family members, some by telling no one, but joining online support groups or attending recovery meetings where they can find the people who understand.
This show is meant to chip away at that stigma, even if just a little. Stigmas are, by definition, automatic responses our brain has to a person, or a word. We all have them, about a lot of issues.
It is the Bubble Hour's mission - through the power of these brave women's stories - to demonstrate that rushing to label someone is destructive and wrong, whether we're talking about race, ethnic background, education level, economic level or alcoholism.
Facing fear of judgment and labeling and overcoming a disease like alcoholism is one of the hardest and bravest thing anyone can ever do. Staring at your flaws, your fears, the wreckage your disease left in your life and putting down the drink anyway, asking for help and staying sober a day at a time is a miracle.
We hope this episode helped raise education and about this disease that impacts more than half the adult population - either directly or indirectly.
The holiday break is upon us, and we thought we'd have a hopeful show and tell stories of the gifts of sobriety.
Whether you have one day, or many years, the gifts do keep on coming, and we want to share some of those stories with you to offer hope.
We've talked a lot about practical tips, advice, the hard parts, surviving parties, etc. - but it is important to stay focused on the fact that it DOES get better and better.
On this show we have four fabulous guests with varying amounts of sobriety - from days to months to years - sharing the way their lives have improved in ways they could never have imagined when they were drinking.
The gifts of sobriety are plentiful, and during this season when so many people are drinking, we wanted to let people know that when they see someone else with alcohol, they don't have to think "lucky them", they can think "lucky me", because we get to be fully present in our lives, live the dreams we only used to talk about when we were perched on a bar stool or halfway through a glass of wine, and most importantly, receiving the gift of loving ourselves, just the way we are.
The holidays -no matter what religious affiliation you are- are difficult times for people in recovery, or struggling to get sober.
Everywhere we turn are ads on television for alcohol, holiday and office parties, and images of people drinking jumping out of the woodwork. Facebook posts are full of images of people drinking (or taking pictures of their drinks - that one always amazes us).
Tonight's episode is all about creating your "Holiday Bubble" - how to keep yourself safe (and hopefully happy!) during the holidays.
It is also our first "call-in" show, which we are really excited about, where people called in with real-life dilemmas about how to make it through their first sober (or not even their first) sober holiday.
We shared stories, cautionary tales, tips and advice and laughed a little along the way.
If YOU have questions for us about how to survive this holiday season, you can always email us at: thebubblehour@gmail.com
We'd love to hear from you.
Enjoy tonight's show! P.S. - There is a glitch on the show with a silent gap that lasts for about a minute - sorry - it's our first time doing a call in show ... please be patient and wait. :)
Deciding whether or not to tell people in your life that you are sober is a highly personal decision, and one of those issues where if you ask 100 people, you're going to get 100 different answers.
We thought the best way to tackle this subject was to hear from three guests (as well as Lisa & me) about our own experiences with deciding who to tell, when to tell, why we would be open about it, and some cautionary tales of experiences that didn't go so well.
We're making progress on overcoming the stigma of addiction and alcoholism, but it is still a grossly misunderstood disease, and so it is important to think carefully before sharing that you're sober - even with close friends and family members. Anything that can trigger shame, guilt or people pleasing in early sobriety can be dangerous, and finding a sober community that can help you through decisions like this one is extremely helpful.
As always, we direct you to the tab above with online and offline recovery resources you can access to ask questions, get information, and find a community who TOTALLY understands how you feel.
Addiction lives in the dark; it wants us alone with our own insecurity and guilt. A sober community helps you crack through the shame, guilt and isolation and find your way down the path of sobriety.
So please listen to the stories these women share of their own experiences; we are five different women at different ages and stages of life, with different stories about our drinking history, but as we so often find out, our feelings are the same.
This week's show is about how to survive those first minutes, hours, days and months of early sobriety.
Our three guests: Angel, Alisun and Amanda each bring stories from their own experiences newly sober, as well as tips and advice that continue to help them today. Each of our guests has a different background, different stories, different ages and stages of sobriety, but as usual so many of the feelings we experience are similar, as are the things that helped us get through the tough early days (and now).
It is also a show for people who have been sober awhile and would like to hear tricks and tips about how others stay sober during the bumpier times of life.
We also share some things that didn't work - cautionary tales, if you will, and offer hope that it does get better.
Through story telling and conversation, we hope that this show can show you that you're not alone, that early sobriety IS hard but is not without a lot of rewards (some of them immediate) and that if you can just hang in there one minute, hour or day at a time, the further you get from your last drink the better and stronger you will feel.
We also offer resources of places online and off where you can find this kind of support - not just in recovery meetings, but also on the internet, which can be a safe, anonymous place to start talking.
As usual, you can email us at thebubblehour@gmail.com if you have any questions, suggestions for topics, or just want to talk with someone who understands.
Thank you for listening, and if there is anything you can do to help us spread the word via Facebook, Twitter or any other means we greatly appreciate it. You may never know who you will be helping, and it could be someone close to you who is suffering in silence.
Together lets continue to break down the stigma of alcoholism that keeps so many people stuck and silent.
Remember to check out the tab above about how to subscribe to our feed on iTunes, too; shows are automatically downloaded onto iTunes and you can listen anywhere, anytime. If you have a hard time at a certain time of day (cooking came up a lot in this show, for example) listening to these shows can be another tool you can use to tamp down those frustrating cravings.
We really appreciate your support, and a big thanks to Alisun, Amanda and Angel for having the courage to share their stories.
Here's the latest episode, but you will also see a new widget at the top right-hand corner of our sidebar that lists all episodes, and you can listen from there, too:
